Contact
Search
Search

The Grass Is Always Greener

The Grass Is Always Greener

By David Hennessy, Clinical Psychologist

The Grass Is Always Greener: A calf looking at a tablet that shows greener grass while magpies and a butterfly watch nearby, symbolising the idea that the grass often looks greener elsewhere.
A playful reminder that the grass only seems greener on the other side. True contentment comes from nurturing the ground beneath us.
We have all heard the saying “the grass is always greener on the other side.” It captures that familiar pull toward something we do not have, a different job, partner, body, home, or life. It is part of being human to imagine that somewhere else, or in some other version of our life, things might feel easier or better.But this mindset can quietly erode contentment. When we constantly look outward, we miss what is already within reach. That imagined “greener” place can become a moving target, always shifting just beyond our current situation.

Why We Think the Grass Is Greener

Psychologically, this tendency is linked to social comparison and the phenomenon of hedonic adaptation. We naturally compare ourselves to others to assess how we are doing (1, 2). Through social media, these comparisons are amplified and can lower self-esteem or increase envy and dissatisfaction (3, 4). Even when we achieve something we once desired, we quickly adapt and start wanting more (5, 6). The initial satisfaction fades as the new situation becomes normal. This is known as hedonic adaptation, a cycle that keeps us chasing the next thing rather than appreciating the present (7, 8).

Reality: Every Lawn Has Its Weeds

What we see of others, especially through social media or surface interactions, is often curated. It is the highlight reel, not the full story (3). The neighbour’s lawn may look lush, but up close, it too has patches and weeds. The truth is, every person carries private struggles and imperfections. Recognising this helps soften comparison and increase compassion for ourselves and others.

Turning Attention Back to Our Own Side

Contentment grows when we nurture the patch we are standing on. This means:
  • Practising gratitude for what we already have (9, 10)
  • Tending to small, meaningful daily actions that align with our values
  • Allowing curiosity rather than envy when we see others’ successes
  • Remembering that growth takes watering, sunlight, and time in every life
Gratitude practices have been shown to improve wellbeing and even physical health, reinforcing that appreciation, rather than comparison, sustains long term satisfaction (9, 10).

A More Balanced Perspective

Instead of wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere, we might ask, “What can I do to care for the ground I am on?” It is rarely about the lawn itself, but the care we give it. The greenness is perspective and will enrich when we cultivate our own garden with attention, compassion, and persistence.

References

  1. Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140. https://doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202
  2. Crusius, J., Corcoran, K., & Mussweiler, T. (2023). Relativity in social cognition: Basic processes and novel applications of social comparisons. European Review of Social Psychology, 34(1), 1–44. https://doi.org/10.1080/10463283.2022.2161043
  3. Meier, A., & Johnson, B. K. (2022). Social comparison and envy on social media: A critical review. Current Opinion in Psychology, 45, 101302. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101302
  4. Kross, E., Verduyn, P., Demiralp, E., Park, J., Lee, D. S., Lin, N., Shablack, H., Jonides, J., & Ybarra, O. (2013). Facebook use predicts declines in subjective well being in young adults. PLOS ONE, 8(8), e69841. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0069841
  5. Klausen, S. H., Emiliussen, J., Christiansen, R., Hasandedic-Dapo, L., & Engelsen, S. (2021). The many faces of hedonic adaptation. Philosophical Psychology, 34(2), 253–278. https://doi.org/10.1080/09515089.2021.1967308
  6. Diener, E., Lucas, R. E., & Scollon, C. N. (2006). Beyond the hedonic treadmill: Revising the adaptation theory of well being. American Psychologist, 61(4), 305–314. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.61.4.305
  7. Killingsworth, M. A. (2021). Experienced well being rises with income, even above 75,000 dollars per year. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 118(4), e2016976118. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2016976118
  8. Killingsworth, M. A., Kahneman, D., & Mellers, B. A. (2023). Income and emotional well being: A conflict resolved. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 120(11), e2208661120. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2208661120
  9. Diniz, G., Korkes, L., Tristão, L. S., Pelegrini, R., Bellodi, P. L., & Bernardo, W. M. (2023). The effects of gratitude interventions: A systematic review and meta analysis. einstein (São Paulo), 21, eRW0371. https://doi.org/10.31744/einstein_journal/2023RW0371
  10. Boggiss, A. L., Consedine, N. S., Brenton-Peters, J. M., Hofman, P. L., & Serlachius, A. S. (2020). A systematic review of gratitude interventions: Effects on physical health and health behaviors. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 135, 110165. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2020.110165

Related Blog

A wide landscape view from a mountain peak showing blue sky, scattered clouds, and a calm ocean with distant islands, reflecting a sense of balance and spaciousness.
Applied Psychology for Everyday Life

How Happy Is the Typical Person?

People often wonder whether others are happier or more settled than them. This gentle, evidence informed reflection explores how most adults sit in a middle range of happiness, moving between distress and contentment. It introduces radical acceptance and simple daily actions that help cultivate a grounded, sustainable sense of balance.

Read More »
Cartoon David the Psychologist sits cross legged with eyes closed in a calm mindful pose, representing the connection between Buddhist teachings and modern psychological practices.
Mindfulness, Acceptance, Compassion

Buddhist Teachings and Their Influence on Modern Psychology

This post introduces Buddhist teachings and their ongoing relevance for modern psychology. It offers a calm overview of mindfulness, compassion, impermanence, and present moment awareness, and explains how these ideas align with contemporary therapeutic approaches.

Read More »