The Grass Is Always Greener

By David Hennessy, Clinical Psychologist

We have all heard the saying “the grass is always greener on the other side.” It captures that familiar pull toward something we do not have, a different job, partner, body, home, or life. It is part of being human to imagine that somewhere else, or in some other version of our life, things might feel easier or better.But this mindset can quietly erode contentment. When we constantly look outward, we miss what is already within reach. That imagined “greener” place can become a moving target, always shifting just beyond our current situation.

Why We Think the Grass Is Greener

Psychologically, this tendency is linked to social comparison and the phenomenon of hedonic adaptation. We naturally compare ourselves to others to assess how we are doing (1, 2). Through social media, these comparisons are amplified and can lower self-esteem or increase envy and dissatisfaction (3, 4). Even when we achieve something we once desired, we quickly adapt and start wanting more (5, 6). The initial satisfaction fades as the new situation becomes normal. This is known as hedonic adaptation, a cycle that keeps us chasing the next thing rather than appreciating the present (7, 8).

Reality: Every Lawn Has Its Weeds

What we see of others, especially through social media or surface interactions, is often curated. It is the highlight reel, not the full story (3). The neighbour’s lawn may look lush, but up close, it too has patches and weeds. The truth is, every person carries private struggles and imperfections. Recognising this helps soften comparison and increase compassion for ourselves and others.

Turning Attention Back to Our Own Side

Contentment grows when we nurture the patch we are standing on. This means:

Practising gratitude for what we already have (9, 10)
Tending to small, meaningful daily actions that align with our values
Allowing curiosity rather than envy when we see others’ successes
Remembering that growth takes watering, sunlight, and time in every life

Gratitude practices have been shown to improve wellbeing and even physical health, reinforcing that appreciation, rather than comparison, sustains long term satisfaction (9, 10).

A More Balanced Perspective

Instead of wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere, we might ask, “What can I do to care for the ground I am on?” It is rarely about the lawn itself, but the care we give it. The greenness is perspective and will enrich when we cultivate our own garden with attention, compassion, and persistence.

References

Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140. https://doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202
Crusius, J., Corcoran, K., & Mussweiler, T. (2023). Relativity in social cognition: Basic processes and novel applications of social comparisons. European Review of Social Psychology, 34(1), 1–44. https://doi.org/10.1080/10463283.2022.2161043
Meier, A., & Johnson, B. K. (2022). Social comparison and envy on social media: A critical review. Current Opinion in Psychology, 45, 101302. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101302
Kross, E., Verduyn, P., Demiralp, E., Park, J., Lee, D. S., Lin, N., Shablack, H., Jonides, J., & Ybarra, O. (2013). Facebook use predicts declines in subjective well being in young adults. PLOS ONE, 8(8), e69841. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0069841
Klausen, S. H., Emiliussen, J., Christiansen, R., Hasandedic-Dapo, L., & Engelsen, S. (2021). The many faces of hedonic adaptation. Philosophical Psychology, 34(2), 253–278. https://doi.org/10.1080/09515089.2021.1967308
Diener, E., Lucas, R. E., & Scollon, C. N. (2006). Beyond the hedonic treadmill: Revising the adaptation theory of well being. American Psychologist, 61(4), 305–314. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.61.4.305
Killingsworth, M. A. (2021). Experienced well being rises with income, even above 75,000 dollars per year. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 118(4), e2016976118. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2016976118
Killingsworth, M. A., Kahneman, D., & Mellers, B. A. (2023). Income and emotional well being: A conflict resolved. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 120(11), e2208661120. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2208661120
Diniz, G., Korkes, L., Tristão, L. S., Pelegrini, R., Bellodi, P. L., & Bernardo, W. M. (2023). The effects of gratitude interventions: A systematic review and meta analysis. einstein (São Paulo), 21, eRW0371. https://doi.org/10.31744/einstein_journal/2023RW0371
Boggiss, A. L., Consedine, N. S., Brenton-Peters, J. M., Hofman, P. L., & Serlachius, A. S. (2020). A systematic review of gratitude interventions: Effects on physical health and health behaviors. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 135, 110165. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2020.110165

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