Managing Strong Emotions and Emotional Regulation

By David Hennessy, Clinical Psychologist

Managing Strong Emotions and Emotional Regulation

Strong emotions are part of being human. Anxiety, anger, sadness, frustration, grief, and intense joy are not signs that something is wrong. They are signals. What tends to cause difficulty is not the presence of strong emotions, but our relationship with them and the strategies we use when they show up.

Across years as a clinical psychologist, a counsellor, and previously as a tradesman, I have seen this pattern across very different lives. When emotions feel overwhelming, people often assume they are failing at coping. In reality, they are often missing a few practical skills and a kinder framework for understanding their internal world. These ideas are grounded in well-established psychological research and clinical practice ^[1][2].

What Are Strong Emotions?

Strong emotions are natural physiological and psychological responses to situations that matter to us. They involve the body, the nervous system, thoughts, memories, and learned meaning ^[1]. For example:

• Anxiety prepares the body for threat
• Anger mobilises energy for protection or change
• Sadness reflects loss or unmet needs
• Shame signals perceived social risk
• Joy signals safety, connection, and fulfilment

Emotions are not problems to eliminate. They are information. Difficulties arise when emotions become prolonged, intense, or difficult to manage within daily life ^[2].

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation refers to the capacity to notice, understand, tolerate, and respond to emotions in ways that are helpful rather than harmful. It does not mean suppressing emotions, staying calm all the time, or never feeling overwhelmed. Instead, it involves recognising emotions as they arise, allowing them to be present without immediate reaction, and choosing responses aligned with values and long-term wellbeing ^[1][5].

Early Emotional Learning And Regulation Difficulties

Many people were never explicitly taught how to work with emotions. Early emotional learning is shaped by family environments, caregiving relationships, stress exposure, trauma, culture, and role modelling. These early patterns influence how the nervous system responds to emotional threat and safety later in life.

Many difficulties with emotional regulation are shaped by early relational experiences and can be better understood through the framework of attachment wounds, which describe how patterns of emotional safety and threat develop within close relationships.

Additional factors that commonly interfere with regulation include chronic stress, burnout, perfectionism, harsh self-judgment, neurodivergent nervous systems, sleep deprivation, and prolonged uncertainty. These influences affect the nervous system rather than reflecting personal weakness or failure ^[2][3][4].

The Nervous System And Strong Emotions

Strong emotions often reflect a nervous system in a state of threat or overload. In these states, the brain prioritises survival over reflection. Thinking becomes more rigid, attention narrows, impulses increase, and perspective reduces. Regulation therefore begins by stabilising the body rather than forcing positive thinking ^[3][4].

Practical Ways To Support Emotional Regulation

1. Name What Is Happening

Naming an emotion helps activate reflective brain systems and reduces emotional fusion. For example, stating “this is anxiety” or “this feels like anger mixed with disappointment” can reduce intensity and increase clarity ^[1].

2. Regulate The Body First

Slow breathing, grounding through the senses, gentle movement, or temperature shifts can help settle physiological arousal. Regulation is often bottom-up rather than top-down ^[4].

3. Allow Without Fighting

Attempts to eliminate emotions often strengthen them. Allowing emotions to be present without acting on them immediately creates space for choice and containment ^[5].

4. Reduce Secondary Struggle

Much distress comes from reacting to emotions with self-criticism or fear. Compassionate inner language can soften this secondary struggle and support psychological flexibility ^[5].

5. Choose Values Consistent Actions

Even when emotions are strong, small actions aligned with personal values can restore agency and dignity. Calm is not required in order to act wisely ^[5].

When Emotions Feel Unmanageable

If emotions regularly feel overwhelming or interfere with relationships, work, or health, psychological support can help. Skills based approaches such as acceptance and commitment therapy and dialectical behaviour therapy support emotional literacy, nervous system regulation, and flexible responding ^[5][6].

Related Reading On This Site

• Therapy For Anxiety
• Trauma Informed Therapy
• Mindfulness Acceptance And Compassion
• Distress Tolerance Skills

Frequently Asked Questions About Emotional Regulation

What does emotional regulation mean in psychology?

Emotional regulation refers to the ability to notice, understand, tolerate, and respond to emotions in ways that are helpful rather than harmful.

Why do some people experience emotions more intensely than others?

Emotional intensity varies due to nervous system sensitivity, early life experiences, stress exposure, trauma, sleep patterns, and current demands.

Can emotional regulation be learned later in life?

Yes. Emotional regulation skills can be developed at any age through practice and appropriate psychological support.

Does emotional regulation mean controlling emotions?

No. Emotional regulation is not about eliminating emotions. It focuses on responding to them in ways that support wellbeing.

When should someone seek professional support?

Support may be helpful when emotions interfere with daily life, relationships, or work, or feel persistently overwhelming.

References

1. 1. Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1 to 26. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2014.940781
   2. Aldao, A., Nolen Hoeksema, S., & Schweizer, S. (2010). Emotion regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(2), 217 to 237. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2009.11.004
   3. Porges, S. W. (2007). The polyvagal perspective. Biological Psychology, 74(2), 116 to 143. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2006.06.009
   4. Thayer, J. F., & Lane, R. D. (2009). Claude Bernard and the heart-brain connection. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 33(2), 81 to 88. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2008.08.004
   5. Hayes, S. C., Villatte, M., Levin, M., & Hildebrandt, M. (2011). Open, aware, and active: Contextual approaches as an emerging trend in the behavioural and cognitive therapies. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 7, 141 to 168. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-032210-104449
   6. Linehan, M. M., Bohus, M., & Lynch, T. R. (2007). Dialectical behaviour therapy for pervasive emotion dysregulation. Biological Psychiatry, 62(4), 300 to 307. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2007.01.005