Managing Strong Emotions and Emotional Regulation
By David Hennessy, Clinical Psychologist
Managing Strong Emotions and Emotional Regulation
Strong emotions are part of being human. Anxiety, anger, sadness, frustration, grief, and intense joy are not signs that something is wrong. They are signals. What tends to cause difficulty is not the presence of strong emotions, but our relationship with them and the strategies we use when they show up.
Across years as a clinical psychologist, a counsellor, and previously a tradesman, I have seen the same pattern in many lives. When emotions feel overwhelming, people often assume they are failing at coping. In reality, they are often missing a few practical skills and a kinder framework for understanding their internal world. The ideas below are grounded in well-established research and clinical practice [1][2].
What Are Strong Emotions?
Strong emotions are natural physiological and psychological responses to situations that matter to us. They involve the body, the nervous system, thoughts, memories, and learned meaning [1]. For example:
- Anxiety prepares the body for threat
- Anger mobilises energy for protection or change
- Sadness reflects loss or unmet needs
- Shame signals perceived social risk
- Joy signals safety, connection, and fulfilment
Emotions are not problems to eliminate. They are information. Difficulties arise when emotions become prolonged, intense, or difficult to manage within daily life [2].
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is our capacity to notice, understand, tolerate, and respond to emotions in ways that are helpful rather than harmful. It does not mean suppressing emotions, staying calm all the time, or never feeling overwhelmed. Instead, it involves recognising emotions as they arise, allowing them to be present without immediate reaction, and choosing responses aligned with values and long-term wellbeing [1][5].
Why Emotional Regulation Can Feel Hard
Many of us were never explicitly taught how to work with emotions. Emotional habits are shaped early and are influenced by family environments, stress exposure, trauma, culture, and role modelling. Common factors that interfere with regulation include chronic stress, burnout, perfectionism, harsh self-judgment, neurodivergent nervous systems, and sleep deprivation. These factors affect the nervous system rather than personal strength or character [2][3][4].
The Nervous System and Strong Emotions
Strong emotions often reflect a nervous system in a state of threat or overload. When this happens, the brain prioritises survival over reflection. Thinking becomes more rigid, attention narrows, impulses increase, and perspective reduces. Regulation begins by stabilising the body and nervous system, rather than forcing positive thinking [3][4].
Practical Ways To Support Emotional Regulation
The strategies below are widely applicable and evidence-informed. Not all will suit everyone, and that is expected.
1. Name What Is Happening
Simply naming an emotion can reduce its intensity by activating reflective brain systems and reducing emotional fusion [1]. For example:
- This is anxiety
- This feels like anger mixed with disappointment
- My body is in threat mode
2. Regulate The Body First
Slow breathing, grounding through the senses, gentle movement, or temperature shifts can help settle physiological arousal. Regulation is often bottom-up rather than top-down [4].
3. Allow Without Fighting
Trying to get rid of emotions often strengthens them. Allowing emotions to be present without acting on them immediately creates space for choice. This is containment, not resignation [5].
4. Reduce Secondary Struggle
Much suffering comes from reacting to emotions with self-criticism or fear. Brief compassionate phrases can soften this secondary layer and increase psychological flexibility [5].
5. Choose Values Consistent Actions
Even when emotions are intense, small actions aligned with personal values can restore agency and dignity. You do not need to feel calm to act wisely [5].
When Emotions Feel Unmanageable
If emotions regularly feel overwhelming or interfere with relationships, work, or health, psychological support can help. Skills-based approaches such as dialectical behaviour therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy are designed to build emotional literacy, nervous system regulation, psychological flexibility, and compassionate self-understanding [6][5].
A Gentle And Realistic Perspective
Strong emotions are not signs of weakness. They are signs of being human in a complex world. Emotional regulation is not about control, but about relationships. With support, practice, and patience, most people develop a steadier and more compassionate way of living with their emotions, even when life remains challenging [1][5].
Related Reading On This Site
- Therapy For Anxiety
- Trauma Informed Therapy
- Mindfulness Acceptance Compassion
- Distress Tolerance Skills
Enquiries And Appointments
For support with emotional regulation, anxiety, stress, trauma, or related concerns, you can arrange an appointment here: Contact Hennessy Clinical Psychology
References
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- Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1 to 26. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2014.940781
- Aldao, A., Nolen Hoeksema, S., & Schweizer, S. (2010). Emotion regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(2), 217 to 237. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2009.11.004
- Porges, S. W. (2007). The polyvagal perspective. Biological Psychology, 74(2), 116 to 143. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2006.06.009
- Thayer, J. F., & Lane, R. D. (2009). Claude Bernard and the heart-brain connection. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 33(2), 81 to 88. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2008.08.004
- Hayes, S. C., Villatte, M., Levin, M., & Hildebrandt, M. (2011). Open, aware, and active: Contextual approaches as an emerging trend in the behavioural and cognitive therapies. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 7, 141 to 168. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-032210-104449
- Linehan, M. M., Bohus, M., & Lynch, T. R. (2007). Dialectical behaviour therapy for pervasive emotion dysregulation. Biological Psychiatry, 62(4), 300 to 307. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2007.01.005
