By David Hennessy, Clinical Psychologist
When someone is struggling, it is natural to want to ease their pain. We might offer reassurance, hopeful words, or try to steer attention toward something lighter.
Sometimes, this may help in the short term.
And whilst it might seem appealing to come up with something warm, fluffy or overly positive, generally, kind grounded truth is a better long-term option. It gives the mind something grounded and true to work with, and it gives the nervous system something steady to lean on.
When we have a thought, idea or a concern, the mind tends to ask questions like:
- “Is that really true?”
- “What if I can’t handle this?”
- “What happens next?”
This is just how our mind works to prepare, protect, process and make sense of things.
Many of the things we struggle with are, in reality, unfixable and/or deeply distressing. The goal is not to fix. The goal is to respond, where possible, with grounded, kind, and believable truth to ease the analytic process of the mind and reduce reactivity in the autonomic nervous system.
Grounded Responses Might Sound Like:
- “This is hard, and I have done hard things before.”
- “I do not know how this ends, but I know my next step.”
- “It makes sense that I feel overwhelmed. I am not alone in this.”
These are not fixes, but they are reality-based words promoting resilience and resourcefulness.
References:
- Gilbert, P. (2014). The Compassionate Mind. Constable & Robinson.
- Gross, J. J. (2002). Emotion regulation: Affective, cognitive, and social consequences. Psychophysiology, 39(3), 281–291.
- Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An experiential approach to behaviour change. Guilford Press.
- Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. Norton.
- Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Whole-Brain Child. Delacorte.
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